Of women, weight, nugu and nasty comments

Have you noticed that each time you meet an old friend or schoolmate, it is weight on their minds?

This is the typical conversation:

MB(Mamababy) : Hi and how are you?
OG(Old Girlfriend): I am fine! What are you doing now and my! you have gained a lot of weight! (Recking the rest of my body openly from top to bottom and back to the top, scanning for a fault in anything, without shame)


MB: No it's nothing it's just that I have just had a baby.
OG: Oh bambi. Baby what? (Scanning my waistline to determine whether they are love handles or a neat waspie waistline)


MB: Baby girl.
OG: That's nice. Congs. Naye kikole ko ekya weight.

MB: Am trying to. (Like I really care)
OG: So where are you now?

MB: At home babysitting..
OG: Eeh wama that's why the ka weight.

God!! Can't we change to something more meaningful apart from weight, weight, weight?
For instance go with a girlfriend to buy a dress, you will curse. It will be negative comments through and through. Ladies, take my advise go for shopping with your mothers or alone! It's less stressful and enjoyable.

Women have been known to have negative comments for their friends even if it is something small. Have you heard or seen two women fight? The funniest part of it is that they always comment on the each others body parts. For example, mbu that is why you have big breasts. Or that's why you have a big butt that a whole village can "kwegama" under it. !!!??? Beats me!

I remember a friend of mine had just been bought a perfume...designer perfume, one of the latest and we played a prank on some colleague. We decided to ask her to comment on the perfume. The answer, we could have died. I now understand exactly what nugu really means. Guess what the nitwit said?

"Hmhmm seriously?" she had the nerve to say "I think it does not blend with your natural oils."

There, we had it..nugu indeed! I have heard of body odour but body oils?Please, someone correct me. What are we coming to? All we wanted was a simple compliment and we get this?Women, I give up.

Ladies, trust your own judgement when it comes to shopping for clothes, know what colours suit your complexion and what kind of clothes bring out your figure, whether you are a tiny as a stick or fat as..... Your body shape must also be taken into consideration when buying clothes. This will help choose between loose clothes, hugging clothes, wools, cottons and the like.

Another colleague told me that you must know your blood group and what foods to eat based on your blood group. Somebody please confirm this theory and advise us.

Otherwise, girlfriends you are what you eat, cut out the nugu and enjoy life.

It was blogg, now there's WordPress!

I am just getting the hang of this blogging and then a new thing comes my way!
Why oh why? This information evolution is just a little bit too fast for me.

Some of my friends have never heard of blogging. Yes, they are so much a part of this world but not the blogging world. The sound of it is fake. Sounds like bogging if the 'l' is not pronounced.

One friend of mine said that blogging is time wasting.....Little does she know. Mbu its for the younger generation. Younger generation right but what about computers, galfriend? Wake up!!

Anyway I dare not mention wordpress....it will be well over and beyond them.

I am so excited! I just cant hide it! I know I know I want you- Wordpress. I am confused between the two. Should I stick to the devil I have just known or move with the tide to wordpress? I do not want to be left behind in this information age craze. I just got here and need to make a statement now.

However, Wordpress? Watch this space

Car obsessed

I have tried to understand what is this thing between guys and their cars..
Forget the women, but it's the car that defines the man driving it.

Well this is the typical conversation between two guys about their cars...

Guy 1. Good stuffs good stuffs! How fast is she?
Guy 2. You can be amazed at what she can do.

Meanwhile, as a babe you are there wondering what chic this is who is so fast and has good stuffs. What are these good stuffs by the way? So you continue eavesdropping hoping to get more info.

Guy 1. She does not make any noise when I take her beyond her limit. Can you imagine she even warns you?
Guy 2. Have you tried speed governors?

It goes on and on and no, no end......Then while you are still at it, you realize it is a car. Why do guys give their cars all the attention in the world and when it comes to women it's second place?

I have noticed that so many men (young and old, they are all the same) would rather have a cool car than own a home. Like he will sleep in the car. It is common in Uganda to see a man park his car next to a mzigo where he stays. Men!! style up. Why cant their priorities be assets instead of liabilities?
A car may be a necessity but it ain't an asset. Yes, there is insurance but what happens when you are thrown out of a rented house? You cannot move into a car, however, big or grand or how many with personalised plates.

Talk of personalised plates, I wont go there coz Baz did it very well. Unlike in developed countries, cars in our developing countries are mostly second hand. This means someone somewhere used it first before you could get your hands on it. You are only lucky enough to be handed down the car's problems when you buy it. How simple can one point it out.

Then there is this craze of buying cars to have the latest number plates series. Someone please educate these men especially. The latest number plates do not mean the lates models...it s so obvious.

my typical jobless day

Yap, here we go again.........what is wrong with this blogger with jobs, interviews and job adverts? Do you know how annoying it can be when you know that you are so suited to a certain job, apply for it and you are not even shortlisted? It hurts soooooo!

Anyway, I stayed home for a full year and I know exactly what am (talking?) writing about. Well, this was a typical day...

Walk up anytime during the morning hours coz you have no where to go
Have your ka chai with half the usual spoonfuls of sugar, no bread- strictly. Bread immediately becomes a luxury, when you go jobless. Take a loaf which costs 1,000/= and you need to buy one for every two days, that's approx. 4,000/per week. 4k! Remember when you buy a loaf it is quaffed like never before.

Anyway, I walk to the local newspaper vendor's stand to glimpse through the papers searching for a job advert. In those days, there was no specific day for jobs to be advertised in the dailies, like these days;Mondays - the New Vision or Wednesdays - the Monitor, so one needed to walk up to where papers were sold and pray that you might just find what is suitable. I finally find one I think is most suitable, I call up a friend who is employed and ask them to do me a favour to photocopy the page where the job is posted.

Once am sure that I have managed to see a viable job, I continue with my stroll around the area greeting people as I go along. I try to keep abreast with the area's latest gossip, contributing information here and there. Never know, my name might just crop up during the local council elections. Ha!

Anyway, I plan to keep away from home during day time, lest all my debtors bump into me. Problems seem to crop up more often when you stay at home. That's when the water guys will find you home, Umeme 'Magallos' come to cut off the power, the compound owner will come demanding for his over due pay, and many more.

My day continues, forget lunch, its now replaced with a rolex. The first time I discovered it, I wondered why I kept spending so much money on those lunch buffets while I was working. Rolex?? Who is the creator of these filling Chapatis? Believe it or not we do have creative Ugandans with good survival skills. However, I decide to skip the rolex lunch and move on.

Hop onto boda boda to visit a jobless friend of mine. I get there, we talk about our previous jobs and where we have sent our applications so far, try to remember our working class friends, beep them so that they can call back and connect us to people we think who can connect us to jobs. We also exchange ideas on how to spend our imaginery money when we start working again.
Watch TV, and dose off on the settee, then watch more TV, watch some more TV then dash back home, on the way pass via the rolex vendor for my new found supper.

With this kind of routine I managed to make a few vital friends whom I think we should all have:
The Newspaper vendor- to allow you ample time to peruse through the papers for jobs, without actually buying them.
The boda boda guy - for those free lifts; transport, and soft loans when your back is against the wall.
The shop owner for small quantities of essentials sugar, soap, tea leaves, got on credit
A working class neighbour - to be the boda boda backup in case of a critical financial crisis.
Another working class neighbour - Financial backup, airtime, rent and all.

Otherwise, its an experience that will change your life. You will know that behind the masquerades people put on, there is a real down-to-earth life that can be enjoyed without spending much. Simple but satisfying.

New Template!

I have finally got a new template...you know this blogging thing is really getting to me.

After seeing other blogs, I thought I might do some good to my own blog and give it an uplift, hoping to attract stray blog readers. Well what do you think? Like you care that much.

Interviews!

Another job disappointment!

I really must start working on something...which something am trying so hard to figure out what. The CV may be good, the presentation too, but what do interviewers need so that they are seriously convinced that one is so capable of performing a function or a job?

There are some interviews that are carried out just to convince the organization that they were free and fair yet they were actually disguising the fact the chosen person is already contacted and the rest of the interviewees are there for formality's sake. Have you ever been to such interview? Trust me you will not enjoy them. You are rushed through the interview like lightening. Your CV is tossed from one panel member to another, you are not even given the chance to ask the panel members a few questions. But anyway you have been interviewed and that's just it. Period

The panel: Usually there is always one who asks the most questions, and you concentrate so much in pleasing this one, forgetting that the panel has afew more members, and as if that's not enough harm done at the end of the day, he's not the decision maker.

Then there is one who is always serious with an expressionless face, so plain. This one will ask not more than three questions, looks at you from the corner of one eye and assesses the way you answer the questions... this is the one to take very seriously because he/she at the end of the day may be the one! Their questions are usually important, dropped like bombshells in your laps. Very important to note.

The human resource manager may also be the one who is the decision maker but may be the second person to consider most. Not necessarily is he the final decision maker but their consent may get you the job. This is the one you will need to please when you get the job.

Some panels also include the financial manager, the one who is going to send your payments to the bank....accountants every where as far as am concerned are mean people. Everything to them is taken in terms of money. For example, when asked are you married? NB: they may be trying to note that if married, will ask for a high salary....dependants and all; and if single, Good for them! Look straight in the eye at them when you tell them how much you are currently getting, if they even cringe slightly, just keep your fingers crossed.

Then usually there is one who will be busy taking down your answers. Pray to God that it is what comes out that is put down, not their own version of your answers.

But for heaven's sake, what does it take to convince an interview panel?

I searched the web and came up with a few suggestions like those given on the following link:
http://www.jobs.co.ug/content/2.
These answers can be crammed but once you are in that room....the words will not flow out as easily as recited in front of a mirror. Another thing is that not necessarily will the questions be similar, they are a number of questions that do not fall anywhere above.

But practice makes perfect. I will continue applying until I become an expert interviewee.
Is there such a thing?

to quit or not to quit

My friend and colleague has just quit her job and I am here thinking what the hell am I still thinking to make up my mind too?? Something in my head is screaming quit quit quit and QUIT NOW!! But when I begin to think rationally I say to myself, as long as you are ok and no one bothers you, just work until something worthwhile comes up.

So far this is the third person quitting in a space of less than two months...it is always the right people quitting what about the wrong ones.. Well if they entered through back doors and not on merit, do you really expect them to quit? Not for the world gal! as for ma pals who have quit Bravo to y'all and the sky is the limit..I say!Its best wishes from us. You go gals!!!

As for the rest of us who are still pondering the unpondable(does this word exist), we are still stuck where we dont wannabe but tough luck what to do? Hopefully by my next few publishes I will have finally decide to do the unthinkable - QUIT from this ****hole!

Colour vs Monochrome Parties

I have tried my best to catch up with this craze that some Ugandan women have about dressing, 'vazzing' (I hope this is the right slang spelling) like it is commonly called, but I seem to come out dressed like to-whom-it-may-concern.

I am at this party seated of course in a comfortable corner where I can take a peak at all those who walk into the hall, while I go unnoticed. Then I notice the well dressed, half dressed like as if dressed for a pool party, the under dressed and those of course dressed in the whom-it-may-please style..

If you have not been to a Ugandan wedding/party then you won't understand what am trying so hard to pour out here. Women will even dress like they are going for a fancy dress ball party or the races - with hats n' all, in various shapes and sizes, some may look like a colourful Christmas tree, not that they care, while others will dress up in shades of one colour trying to blend it with style. But what is the money for.. to buy what you want to feel good in of course. What else surely do I really want? I have no beef with women and their sense of style but sometimes 'style' is not style unless defined style by the wearer.

Won't it be much easier to have rules on dressing when going to different functions, one journalist has tried to point it out to us in her column, in the local print. I now understand why white folks mention the dress code on the invitation cards. For instance, you will find that the dress code is an all white function, not white folks but white attire, or all black. This is slowly being adopted by our fellow Africans/Ugandans and needs adhering to.

If I were to redo my wedding or a party function, I will for instance request all the invitees to dress in Black and White....STRICTLY. Place hefty bouncers at the entrance to stop those who have not adhered to the dress code. Yes it's my function and thus can dictate what I want. It creates uniformity, uniqueness and hey what bride/host wants to be outsmarted at her own wedding/party? Of course it will take Ugandans quite sometime to organize such functions but what a relief from the ill fitting clothes or skimpy attires (fit for nighties) that we see. For a Christening, won't it be nice to see everyone in a white attire? Think about it.. why do we have everyone in a swimsuit when its a pool party? It looses meaning when one appears in a suit. Eeh what say yah, colour or monochrome party? Try it out it doesn't hurt.